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Working in the telecommunications industry taught me a very important principle: power leaks out when pesky perpetrators penetrate the pipeline. Let me explain.
In some areas, faulty phone service was discovered to be the result of underground creatures who enjoyed the taste of buried cable. The solution? A conduit referred to as a "pest duct"that kept the energy inside and perpetrators outside.
Jesus said, ". . . my peace I give you . . ."(John 14:27), but judging by the fact that 75 percent of all doctor visits are for stress-related illnesses, there is a major problem. Peace is leaking.
What is stress?
Stress is some external stimulus and the emotional and physical responses to that stimulus. We've all felt the symptoms—knots in the stomach, clenched jaw or fists, inability to sleep, anger, fear, a sense of life being out of control. But stress isn't just a feeling. It kills brain cells, affects memory, shuts down the immune system, and raises blood pressure. We go into survival mode when we feel threatened—physically or relationally—releasing over 1,400 biochemical changes. Feeling powerless to do anything about it adds to the vicious cycle.
Clients who come to me for life coaching have two main stress-related issues: difficult relationships and poor time management. I help them plug the peace leaks with the advice found in Jeremiah 6:16: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls"(emphasis added). What are the keys to a pest duct for peace? Looking, asking, and walking.
Dealing with difficult people
A recent study showed that people issues have now replaced workload as the number one cause of stress in the workplace, and for good reason. For example, in one study of thousands of people, over half admitted to doing something to bring a coworker down and many more confessed to at least considering it. Don't kid yourself into thinking that Christians would never do such a thing!
Let's face it—imperfect people require a major dose of God's grace to love other imperfect people like Jesus told us to do (1 John 4:21). Have you noticed that God uses difficult people to mold and shape us into Christlikeness? Retreating to a cave of solitude won't solve anything. We need people to be mirrors, showing us the log in our own eye as we work out our faith in the trenches of everyday life (Matthew 7:3-5). Petitioning your boss seldom solves relational issues. So what do you do?
Looking
| Ignoring stress—whether it comes from a peer, a vendor, or a boss—doesn't help anyone. |
Ignoring stress—whether it comes from a peer, a vendor, or a boss—doesn't help anyone. Since stress shuts off creative thinking, it inhibits your ability to come up with solutions to problems. So make it a priority to find new tools for controlling your responses to the stress. One successful program teaches people to breathe deeply and then intentionally refocus their thinking to a pleasant memory. Switching my thinking to the giggly face of my grandson causes my body to relax and my heartbeat to return to normal. Try it. Now your brain can engage.
Asking
Only God has all the truth. Ask what is true about the situation you face. Separate the facts about what happened from your interpretation of the facts. For example, a peer interrupts you in a meeting and you interpret that as a political ploy to get your job or that no one respects you. Then you entrench yourself in your version of the truth, filtering any evidence to the contrary. The brain contributes to the problem by reminding you of similar circumstances in the past and you mistakenly believe this is just a repeat. The only fact in this situation is that you were interrupted.
Ask what is true with you:
- Am I feeling insecure—fear of losing my job, believing it's up to me to make things happen, fear of change, fear of failure?
- Are images in my mind serving me well or hindering me? For example, what picture does "hard work"conjure up? Good boss? Family friendly? Respect? Images get planted early in your life and affect your motivation and how you see others.
- Am I putting my personal agenda ahead of doing good for others?
- Am I managing my time in a way that allows for the space and energy it takes to deal with people who do life differently from me? (see sidebar)
Ask what is true with the other person. Good relationships require you to allow for another's reality. You don't have to agree with it or enter into it but you do need to really listen, validate that it exists, and do your best to understand. After all, it isn't about winning—it's about caring for the hearts of people.
Walking
Power without love and wisdom is dangerous. After gaining both in your situation, ask God to give you the power to walk out His ways. It could mean staying in the circumstances but negotiating for change, acknowledging your part, and asking forgiveness if necessary. Look for common outcomes—what it is you both want.
In the end, even if the other person is unwilling or unable to change, you are responsible for your part. Romans 12 is full of guidelines—like being willing to play second fiddle, making friends with those who feel marginalized, and discovering beauty in everyone. Bringing in another person to listen may help you understand each other better. Ultimately, resolving the situation may also mean walking away in order to protect your life and health.
It plugs my peace leak to know that it's not all up to me. Jesus said in John 6:39 that God's will is that "everything handed over to me by the Father be completed—not a single detail missed and at the wrap-up of time I have everything and everyone put together, upright and whole"(TM).
Lynn Bell, based in Denver, Colorado, is a trained life coach and international speaker. She can be reached at lynn_bell@msn.com.
Holiness Today, January/February 2009 |
